What if

Have you noticed how the new What If comics are missing the point? It shouldn’t be ‘What If starring Captain America/Iron Man’ etc, it should be ‘What if...(insert cool alternate universe storyline idea here)’. Bloody comics.

The Sword

Is anyone reading The Sword? I love the Luna Bros, but they’re really testing my patience with this one. It seems like a step down from their previous work. I’m gonna stop buying the monthlies after issue 12 – hopefully it’ll read better that way.

Madame Xanadu

I thought the new Madame Xanadu Vertigo series might be worth checking out – she’s quite cool in the DCU. Jesus what is that?! It’s all about pixies and elves (as far as I can tell). Yet another Vertigo disappointment :-(

Beowulf

Finally caught Beowulf at the weekend. Not really a film I was that bothered about seeing – but it was cool! Really good – if a bit long. The ending was really gripping, what with all the scary dragon action.
Two bug-bears though – did they really not realise that a naked/fighting Beowulf would look a bit ...silly.
And at one point, Angelina Jolie’s demon character is wearing magic-created high heels! C’mon...this is 507AD!

Quantum of...

Well I just saw the new Bond...
It's all very slick, it's all quite entertaining, Daniel Craig is cool (he makes Pearce Brosnan look like Norris from Coronation Street)...
But I think they're missing a trick, really. I love Bond to bits. I mean, I've kinda seen each Bond film about 10 times over various bank holidays (I say 'kinda' because I've probably never really watched one all the way through - if you know what I mean - they're so bitty - you can just dip in and out). You see, I don't think Bond movies are about the stories - they're about the cool villains - and the even cooler sidekicks - and the set pieces. Bambi and Thumper from Diamonds are Forever... Oddjob... Jaws... Mr Wint and Mr Kidd... We haven't had anything like that for AGES.
Quantum of Solace didn't give us anything like that really, sadly. A toootally forgettable villain - possibly the weakest villain yet - and his sidekick was just a bloke in a dodgy wig. The Bond girl was lovely - really cool - but she reminded me, facially, of Maria off Coronation Street, so that kinda diminished that a bit. And the theme tunes just aren't classic any more are they. They do the job...but they're no Shirley Bassey are they.
Another thing that annoyed me - too much M and too much government stuff. The scenes between M and Bond just seem by the numbers. it's as if the writers think they're really important scenes, but they might as well but cliches down on post-it notes and pick them out randomly. And Judi Dench looked like a hunchbacked gnome in this movie.
Oh yeah, and one other thing - please - no more parkour in the next movie! I'm so bored of watching it. You could just so easily substitute the parkour thing in Casino Royale with the parkour in Italy in this one. Bond is about many things, but it sure ain't parkour.
So all in all...I do miss the Roger Moore era...

Exciting TV times!

I was avoiding the news a bit recently, because the whole recession thing is getting me down...
But now there’s so much showbiz news going on! Has the world of entertainment every been so exciting??? Who will host Countdown??? Ben Fogle is being eaten by a flesh-eating bug... And the whole Brand/Ross thing is so exciting! And now Brand has quiet the BBC! Personally, I think it’s been blown out of proportion, and Brand/Ross were just being stupid, we’re all only human. But c’mon, the girl it’s all about it a ‘Satanic Slut’! How upset can her grand-dad, Andrew Sachs get...?
But it does raise one big issue – Jonathan Ross. I used to love his show but now it’s so tired, boring, unfunny – and pretty much the only jokes are about him wasting the license fee payers’ money. Great, thanks Jonathan. (Similarly, Brucie on Strictly Come Dancing seems to find the credit crunch hilarious each week.)
But the thing is, JR gets huge ratings – but then, what do ratings count for on the BBC? They don’t bring in any advertising money. So will the BBC get rid of one of their most (allegedly) popular stars...?

Secret Invasion 7

Is Secret Invasion so lacking that even the Editor isn't reading it? Black Widow's real name is Natalia is it? Right, cos I thought it was Natasha.
A chum of mine says that Natalia is actually a posh Russian version of Natasha. So do we credit the creators with intelligence or just feel like it's yet more sloppiness.
I know which one I'm opting for