Saw Green Hornet today. I had wanted to see the King’s Speech but my friend didn't want to see it. My expectations were low – and I should have set them lower…
It’s Hollywood at its very worst. It’s awful – I mean, not awful in a ‘Spirit’ way – I have to admit that I wasn’t bored or anything – but it’s just illogical and it’s stupid and pointless.
Who financed this movie? Where the hell did they get all that money from? It allowed them to pay for Cameron Diaz to get involved, even though it’s a role far, far beneath her. Any up and coming dollybird could have done her role. There is pointless, expensive-looking destruction all the way through. Green Hornet takes a memory flash drive all the way to his big expensive office so he can download it (and so we can see the entire place being destroyed), but wouldn’t any old internet café have done the job?
And what are the Green Hornet’s motivations? He seems happy – very happy! – to murder people left right and centre, often in the goriest way possible! So he’s not a superhero then? He's happy to be branded a vicious killer? And where do the ‘powers’ come from? Yes, we can just about accept Kato’s ‘powers’, but when Green Hornet starts to do weird things….there is no explanation, no logic. It's shocking that so many people can be involved in making a movie and no one sat down and said 'this doesn't make sense' or 'this is rubbish'.
And poor Jay Chou as Kato… Now I have a bit of a soft spot for Asian guys, and yes, Jay is easy on the eye, but ….my god he’s bad!!! I mean, he is sweet and everything, and it’s a fun, unusual role in places, but you can barely hear a word he’s saying… His speaking role really should have been reduced…
The saddest thing about this movie, though, is that it could so easily have worked. If only they’d decided to make it more of a kids’ movie (one of those movies that throws a knowing wink to the parents from time to time). It could have been huge and I probably would have liked it. Kato would have been loveable, the kids would have loved Green Hornet… It could have been a heap of fun.
Instead it’s just yet another brainless Hollywood failure. Such a shame.
(And one more thing - you have an amazing theme song which you can use, but you don't use it??? Well except for a brief 10-second spurt. Gah.)